The media industry is shocked to hear the Pensacola News Journal, the prized jewel of the Gannett media empire, has been sold. Dozens of employees, many on furlough, were stunned to read the news.
Early this morning, Insider publisher Walker Holmes announced he had acquired all the assets of Pensacola’s only daily newspaper.
“It was surprisingly easy,” slurred Holmes while standing on the bar at Intermission. “All I had to do was settle the reporters’ tab at NY Nick’s and buy owner Nick Zangari a case of Hot Pockets.”
“The decision was to either buy the PNJ or run for mayor,” said the weekly newspaper publisher.
Holmes, with his dog Big Boy at his side, said he will keep both papers in circulation: “The PNJ will be one page, front and back. Kids will be allowed to connect the dots to reveal Andy Marlette’s editorial cartoons.”
CivicCon will be replaced with Iron Chef and Brass Bartender competitions.
Holmes also laid out his plans to create an Earl Bowden chair at the paper. He will let former PNJ editors and reporters compete in a series of MMA matches up to Memorial Day. Several matches will incorporated into the May Mardi Gras events.
The first bout pits Mark O’Brien vs. Troy Moon
There is one possible snag in the deal—the Hot Pockets have passed their expiration date. Will Nick’s patrons care?